James Stephanie Sterling

“The word “slop” has recently been overused to the point of death, and that’s a shame, because I’d very much like to call Double Dragon Revive slop. It baffles me how you can put out something this ugly and unenjoyable without attaching an apology to it instead of a price tag, but that's videogames for you.”

“The audacity of this exploitative cash-in is honestly quite disgusting. At least Ekans is in it.”

“I’m someone who has a lot of fun playing with balls, so you can take it as high praise when I say Ball x Pit’s been some of the best fun I’ve had with a handful of orbs this year. Combining a block breaker with a survive ‘em up is brilliant, the pinball city building is a giggle, and the inventiveness that runs throughout the entire production is utterly brilliant.”

“Centum is a gripping point-and-click trip, drawing players in with disturbing imagery and a disquieting atmosphere before laying on a terrific critique of generative AI - as well as the kind of people who want to exploit it. Striking a nice balance between enigma and clarity, it presents a world you can’t fully trust contrasted against sincere messaging.”

“It’s a delightful adventure, dripping in imagination. It’s a saturated mess, prone to tedium. It has a knack for redefining itself in truly engrossing ways. It has a mean spirit that facilitates truly vulgar environmental design. Its world is breathtaking and vast. Its world is hateful and myopic. It sounds incredible. It sounds unbearable. It’s intensely absorbing. It’s offputtingly self-indulgent.”

“Transformers: Galactic Trials is overpriced and full of nothing. The gimmick of switching between vehicular racing and robotic shooting might have worked if both halves weren’t so thoughtlessly welded together like a shoddy cut-and-shut car. Then again, its meager content and technical sloppiness suggests it never had a chance.”

“Halls of Torment is more than simply Vampire Survivors wearing Diablo’s clothes. It’s a clever and engrossing Survive ‘em Up that uses RPG trappings to add a ton of versatility and rewarding complexity to what would still be a fun game without it. There’s a pile of quirky character classes and a massive number of ways to build them during each run, just a big pile of content and not a shred of it feels like padding.”

“Thank Goodness You're Here! rolls around in its Britishness to an almost obscene degree, but more than that it is simply… stupid. Majestically, gloriously stupid. It’s a wildly entertaining little adventure that revels in its own ludicrous indulgences. It delightedly broadcasts a sense of humor that some may find puerile and unappealing while others will find it puerile and very appealing.”

“Flintlock: The Siege of Dawn isn’t a particularly necessary addition to the Soulslike genre. It doesn’t stand out in any major way, and it’s certainly rough. It is nonetheless amusing in its own scrappy way, the many tools at the player’s disposal are well presented, and after a touchy start it develops into a decent bit of fun.”

“Clickolding is quiet and calm in spite of its unsettling undercurrent. Through straightforward interactions and a lot of clicking, a tone and subject is strongly established. I found it affecting enough to power through moments of monotony that my ADHD really didn’t care for, and I won’t forget that weirdo mask in a while at the very least.”

“It’ll probably be dead within a year like so many of its sordid ilk. That would be a genuinely good thing for the industry and for the players it’s trying to scam. I hope it dies on its toxic vine.”

“Still Wakes the Deep is an impeccable horror production, a gorgeously sickening nightmare in a rarely used setting propelled by stellar acting and sublimely nasty body horror. It’s more than just “The Thing on an oil rig,” though it makes good on that elevator pitch too. It’s going to remain with me for a long time. A true genre classic.”

“Killer Klowns from Outer Space is just another intellectually lazy application of a horror movie license. Well done game, you made murderous space clowns boring… that’s one hell of an achievement.”

“How fucking dare Star Wars: Hunters? I really hope it becomes yet another “service” game that’s been shut down in less than a year. It deserves to be burned to nothing.”

“Indika is a treasure of a game, an adventure that truly defies expectations. Constantly surprising and laudably bold in its subject matter, this story of a questioning nun and the devil in her head is among the best things I’ve ever played. A little dash of jank does nothing to take away what this game is - a landmark of strange and fascinating storytelling.”

“If you’ve been frustrated by the state of some retro horrors, or even if you haven’t, this is a fine addition to the genre that deserves to be ranked highly among the modern examples. Aside from those bastard traps, it’s a damn good bit of body horror.”

“It’s the kind of nonsense I’m just incredibly happy to see exist in the world, and the possibilities it offers for potential future games set in this universe has me on the hook.”

“Although far from the highest quality Soulslike, Another Crab’s Treasure is an original, intensely likable one. Its sharp script is backed up with a fun gameplay conceit, wrapped up in a package with a whole lot of character. We did the whole review without a shell pun either, so that's also a positive point!”

“All the way down, the theme of “not enough” pervades Princess Peach: Showtime! The costumes Peach wears look cute but their gimmicks are limited both in terms of their abilities and the game’s implementation of them. The lack of imagination is unbecoming of Nintendo, and it’s a real shame because Peach deserves a much better game. It’s like nobody’s heart was in the making of this, and while there are some entertaining moments, Showtime! simply has very little to show for itself.”

“I was pleasantly surprised, especially given the series’ ignoble history to this point, to find 2024’s Alone in the Dark is actually really enjoyable. While not the most polished or visually impressive game, it’s a charming one that goes out of its way to pay tribute to the original trilogy with its survival horror elements and shameless lore dumps. An effectively spooky presentation, violent enemies, and clever puzzles round out the package, making this the first Alone in the Dark game since the 1990s to be an Alone in the Dark game.”